(no subject)

[jessikast]

I'm googling the Name Change Debate.

(Yes, I've been engaged for about twenty-four hours. I'm getting ahead of myself. Should probably organise, y'know, a WEDDING first.)

(OMFG, wedding websites. This is a large and complicated world. Should elope or go to the registry office.)

(Parents would kill us. Also, want cake and a pretty dress.)

Anyway, the whole name change thing: he wants me to do it, I'm not keen on the idea of going double-barrelled and I'm happy to do it, and now I feel like a Bad Modern Woman. This is confusing!

I want anyone reading my journal (which has, I admit, been sparsely updated recently) to give me a gigantic kick up the pants if I get too bride-y. I can tend to obnoxious enough as it is without adding bridezilla to the mix!

Comments

[factioncat]

Suggest he takes your surname instead, and see how he reacts.

[jessikast]

That would sound so weird!

[vostoklake]

I back the crazy cat lady on this. If it's good enough for Rory Pond, it's good enough for Alan Gordon.

[shihadchick]

...actually, I don't know Alan's last name so I can't speak to that, but Alan (YourLastname) totally sounds like a sweet fantasy author name, come to think of it. WHAT, THAT IS TOTALLY A PART *I* WOULD CONSIDER! :D

*wishes you luck in making a decision that both parties are truly happy with*

[jessikast]

Hmm...I'll suggest Alan (MyLastName) as a pseudonym - I think he's more likely to need it for writing zombie movie scripts than fantasy novels, though.

(Besides, I found myself trying out how "Jess (HisLastName)" would work as a signature, so I think I've made up my mind!)

[jessikast]

Hahaha, I might just have to save up calling him "Mr Gordon" for the perfect moment then, and tell him just that - if it's good enough for Rory...

(Besides, Alan didn't even spend two thousand years as an immortal robot protecting me. Where's the romance?!?)

[neongraal.livejournal.com]

Also, just to add to your complications, I have wonderful Photographer to recommend.

[jessikast]

Excellent! Now recommend venue, caterer, dress-maker, stationary supplier and a few other things, and I'll be all set. X-D

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

See, I can understand changing your surname if a) you hate it or b) you dislike your family or c) you're a strong believer in tradition. If not, then to me it seems like a major hassle and kinda old-fashioned.

[jessikast]

I like my surname, but I think that I'm not hugely attached to it. (I am attached to my family, and I'm sure they'd still find me!)

I think that while I'm not a strong believer in tradition, I do like it* - as long as I understand the reasons behind why we do things. For instance, if Alan wants me to take his name to express the fact that I'm his chattel? No. But if it's because he wants to share everything with me and be seen as a social unit? That's a better reason.

*I love the family ring he gave me, that's the kind of tradition I like.

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

But if it's because he wants to share everything with me and be seen as a social unit? That's a better reason.

Would he change his name to yours for that reason, or to something completely different?

[labellementeuse.livejournal.com]

TERRIBLE CHOICE OF ICON SORRY

[michanna.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're a bad modern woman if you change your name. Lord knows if I ever get to that point, I'd change mine. I agree about the hyphenation but I find it confusing when a couple has different last names and which name to you give your hypothetical kids?

[jessikast]

That's the same problem I have with hyphenation - what if you have kids with double-barrelled names, and THEY hook up with someone with two names...it's going to get confusing!

[thesane.livejournal.com]

Congratulations!

It is also very useful to realise that when (or if) you change your name, you don't entirely dispose of your old name - it is still a legal name for you. It's not even a big hassle - because they're both legal names you don't have to suddenly have everything in the New Name, just change it when you get around to it.

(Also, I don't think you're being horribly Anti-Modern if you change your name. Refusing to change because Modern Women aren't supposed to do that sort of thing is band-wagon jumping as much as doing anything else because it's what you're "supposed" to do. Basically, do whatever seems right at the time...)

[jessikast]

Ooh, that is actually useful to know! It would be much easier to have two legal names rather than having to change everything All At Once and worry that my credit cards or passport or whatever aren't valid.

[thesane.livejournal.com]

The most important thing is to remember what you've changed. (You can't just change the name on your passport you have to get a new one - so if you wait for it to expire then you'll have to remember to book any flights in your maiden name). I think it works like that here because legally you can use whatever you happen to call yourself as a legal name. (There are a few things you will need your marriage licence/certificate to change, but not many. And you don't have to fill out any special forms to change your name, which you appear to have to do in a lot of other places).

I guess this all means that if, after a month or two you decide you really wanted your old name back again there's no reason not to be able to do that. (Apart from risk of disappointment to Alan, that is...)

[jessikast]

I think my passport has expired last year anyway - although I suppose that might make things messy if I need to get a new one. What if we want to go on honeymoon overseas straight after the wedding? I would have needed to get a new passport in my OLD name first, which I would then have for the next however-many years.

[jessikast]

Not a problem - I'm not offended at all! It's just one of those things that suits some people and not others. Frankly, until I met Alan I'd never been too fussed about marriage, and had thought that when I settled down that I would be perfectly happy with just living together not needing a "piece of paper." It was something that other people did.

Except about three months into our relationship Alan mentioned that he thought he'd like to marry me one day, and instead of running for the hills I just went "!!! oooh, goody!"